Saturday, September 7, 2019

Eric Vs. 365 - Day 69 - Duke Nukem 3D

Duke Nukem kinda sucks. He wasn't funny in 1996 and really, really isn't funny in 2019. His one- liners stolen from Ash Williams are lame, the "sexy" strippers are hideous and pointless, and everything about it tries so hard to be edgy and cool that it swings all the way around to just being lame. The gameplay is OK. Read on for more!

Duke Nukem is one of those franchises whose reputation preceeds it. That reputation is unearned, however. Even in 1996 it wasn't especially sexy or cool, but thirsty PC gamers desperate for some blurry jagged texture titties hyped it up like it was X rated and my tender little console gaming mind could only imagine the possibilities. My first taste of Duke Nukem was on the N64, so of course I would be let down by that watered down censored version, but when I finally got to play Duke Nukem 3D for real it was still a massive disappointment.

The one saving grace of Duke Nukem is that the gameplay is solid enough. Compared to other FPS at the time like Doom where the levels were all alien bases and stuff, Duke's contemporary "real world" levels were genuinely fun to explore because they felt like waltzing down Main Street USA - If your Main Street was infested with pig cops and mosnters, anyway. 

The highlight of today's video is that it looks like I pay a stripper to put her shirt back on instead of taking it off. That was funny.

Duke sucks.

Also, no I didn't intentionally make Duke Nukem 3D episode 69. It just happened by coincidence as I record and upload these way in advance.