Thursday, June 25, 2020

Eric Vs. 365 - Day 361 - Conker Live and Reloaded

Conker's Bad Fur Day sucks. It has always sucked. It's the edgelord version of "The Emperor's New Clothes" where you had to like it back in the day or you didn't seem cool to the other edgelords that thought swearing and poop jokes in a Nintendo game was the height of comedy. Naw, it sucks because it plays bad and the jokes have aged exceedingly poorly. Today's game is Conker Live & Reloaded, which has its own set of problems, but is still probably the best way to play this putrid game. Read more and watch gameplay here.

Oh Conker, Conker, Conker. Conker's Bad Fur Day came out at the end of the N64 era at the height of Rare's popularity and power. The studio could do no wrong (according to me and my Nintendo fanboy friends) so we eagerly anticipated finally getting to play Rare's "M" rated masterpiece. Can you believe it had big bouncy furry boobs and swearing and a singing pile of shit on a Nintendo system? Ha ha ha! 

Too bad the game sucks. It hasn't just aged badly, either, it sucked back then, too. It's a 3D platformer with absolutely terrible feeling controls that suck all of the fun out of it. It's so stiff and slow and awful and just the whole thing blows. It isn't fun. It also isn't especially funny, either, as the jokes and references were dated in 2001 and are super duper dated looking back in 2020. I freaking hate everything about Conker's Bad Fur Day.

When Microsoft acquired Rareware in 2003, one of the first handful of projects they had them make was a remake of Conker's Bad Fur Day for Xbox. Dumb people will tell you that this Live & Reloaded version of Conker is worse than the N64 original, but those people are dumb and objectively wrong. The game plays much more smoothly on Xbox and is a better experience to actually play, though the levels still suck and the jokes still aren't funny at all so the game still totally blows and isn't fun to play. No, the reason why people say Live & Reloaded isn't as good is because some of the swearing it toned down and a few jokes were changed. That's it. Who gives a shit. Whiny little pissbaby edgelords ... NONE OF THIS WAS FUNNY OR COOL TO BEGIN WITH YOU TOSSERS!

Anyway, Conker freaking sucks. Come at me, bros.